Baby Lois and I are starting to have conflicts already. Lois has started to lay down what she wants, preferring not to breastfeed during her schedule, wanting to hold the tabo while I'm giving her a bath, not wanting to sit on my lap, exact opposites of what I want. I thought our mommy-daughter relationship won't get strained until she's in high school or college, perhaps. This is too early, and she hasn't even learned how to speak!
She would frantically go, 'Gu! Gu! Gu! Ah! Ah! Ah!' until I give in to what she wants. But when it comes to her feeding, I really put my foot down. Her small, developing tummy has to be filled by the hour or else she'll go hungry. And even though she insists on sucking her thumb or toes than my breast, I make sure she feeds for at least 5 minutes. Sometimes, out of desperation, she would bite my nipple as if to say 'Mommy, I don't want to feed. Take my cue!' I wonder how it would be when she starts teething.
Fear of Spoiling
Between Daddy Poh and me, it seems like I would take on the more antagonistic role. I've proven it while Lois was on a nursing strike. She refused to breastfeed because whenever she bites me, I would shout due to pain and surprise, causing her to stop nursing for some days. During these times, Daddy Poh would calmly come between us. He would talk to Lois, as if talking to an adult who understands, and explain to her that she has to feed and should stop biting me. I swear, afterwards, Lois would give me that glare as if saying 'It's not my fault, Daddy.' And when I take her in my arms, it would take a while before she would look at my eyes. Is my baby rebelling against me already?
Fear factor
I'm afraid that once Lois has grown, she would turn into that kind of a daughter who would hate me. Or, like the characters I've met in the book War and Peace - Natasha Rostova - would forget about everything and ran off with her beau, and in the movie Gone with the Wind - Scarlet O'hara - selfishly spent her life until it came to ruin. That would really break my heart.
As a mom, I want our Lois to grow up loving God and serving others, thinking of herself the least in order to be truly called great.
Happy baby
But there's one good thing I'm sure Lois will be. She'll be cheerful and happy, just like how she is now. First thing she does the moment she wakes up, she smiles! That's a constant. I thought before that she just smiles in return to ours. But no! Hers, to me, is a genuine smile of glee, not like our mature casual smile we make even if we're beset with problems. Hey, that's why Filipinos ranked high in the world survey of happiness because with or without problems, we're a smiling race!
Something to smile about
It could be that I'm on my way to: 1. accomplishing my dream of authoring a book, and 2. earning from a part-time work because of Ate Chelle's book project. Her friend is a book editor and their office is looking for new materials to print. Since she knows I write, she asked me to come up with several topics I can turn into a book. Wee! Happy, happy thought!
New conquests
Lois too is reaching new heights by the week! Now that she's 5 month's old, her developing senses are helping her understand and appreciate the world more. Daddy Poh and I encourage her to experiment and play with a variety of stuff around the house - paper brochures, baby towel, rainbow-colored spring, catsup sachet, ice-cold tumbler, looking glass, clean cloth - things we think would interest her eyes and hands. (Though they almost always end in her mouth.) Even our faces have become treasure chests of laughter. An exaggerated twitch, a sudden cough, a finger appearing from nowhere, Lois finds them utterly amazing. And her Ninang Chelle seems to be the best when it comes to making her laugh. We don't come close to her head swaying tricks and giggly sways - guaranteed to send Lois a-laughing.
Limited audience
Despite Lois ever expanding social skills, I still choose to limit her dealings with family and close friends. Especially now that it's the rainy season, colds and various sicknesses are easily caught. Exposing her less to others is my best way of preventing strangers from touching her soft cheeks, chubby toes and swollen hands - attention magnets. Oh, but how long can I keep her under my wings, far from the reach of people unknown?
Growing repertoire
Eh eh eh ga ga ga... Iiiiiih! Is Lois vocalizing? Oh how easily she squeals and then shift to normal tone. She has just finished with the obstructed consonants, like the rrrrrs, and now she's mastering the h's. Sometimes she would intersperse her 'puhs' while sucking at my nipple. Oh how playful! And she keeps at it, just repeating the sound again and again then ending with her toes or thumbs in her mouth. To prod her, sometimes I copy her sound. Or I jam with her with my own 'brrrrs'. This would make her stare at my mouth, as if looking at where the new sounds are coming from. Maybe one of these days she'd be able to say 'mama'.
Longer goodnights
Even her sleep has improved. Maybe it's because of the cooler weather, but baby books are saying sleeping through the night are possible during these days already. Since last week, she has slept for 7-8 hours straight. By 6-7 pm, I give Lois her vitamins then bring play with her a bit. Then by 8 pm, I change her to her sleepwear and between 8:30-9 pm; give her, hopefully her last feeding for the day. While lying down, I would tap her legs and sing to her my original lullaby:
Daddy loves Lois
Mommy loves Lois
Granny loves Lois
Lola Inang loves Lois
Ninang loves Lois
Ninong loves Lois
Jesus Christ loves Lois
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