World of Tantrums

I've always prided myself for having a sweet & happy child. I take it as the best reward for forsaking my career to embrace the more challenging world of being a mom. However, my darling little angel, whose world used to revolve around me, is fast becoming the little tyrant I fear her to be.

Yes, tantrums have crept into my daily list of must-overcome and they're stressful! I feel like a failure, a hopeless parent who has lost the battle because my kid turned out unruly and negative as can be. Daddy Paul & I tell her no, she flings herself while shouting. I prevent her from possibly tripping over the slippery floor, she wails as if I've hit her. Really, the causes as to why she’s throwing a tantrum are as wide as the way she would lose her temper. I thought it was just because she was not feeling well lately, with the one-day fever and runny nose, that's why she easily gets irritated.

Until, after a weekend of torture, Paul and I really couldn't take it anymore, we decided to pray over her situation. It has gotten to the point when it seems like she's being possessed by another spirit. It was really scary how she was letting off steam. And then God answered our prayers through a book given to me by my sister-in-law when I gave birth to Lois. It was a series of paperback titles from Child Magazine. I have totally forgotten about it until I accidentally pulled it out of the shelf to bring as my rest room reading. The book was aptly titled 'Tantrums' with the subtitle 'Secrets to calming the storms'.

After just a single reading, I've been blessed with an insight as to what's going on with Lois and how to productively deal with her tantrums. Paul and I's notion of just letting her be when she's fussing was right, but we didn't know how to prevent nor behave correctly as we 'just let her be'. It's one of God's sweet ways of directing my husband and me. Here's what I've learned:

1. Toddlers like Lois are in the stage when they have developed sophisticated understanding of things yet they are not yet capable to communicate nor physically able to do everything they want.
Simply put, Lois wants things done yet she cannot express them to us. She would also want to do things but find that her small body does not allow her to accomplish her desire. Like last night, she wanted to get her lollipops from her Tweety Bird bag. She knows they were inside it, but her tiny little hands could get the zipper open no matter how she hold and tries to unzip it open. Instead of asking for help from us adults, she cried in frustration.

2. Hunger, sleepiness, tiredness or other sudden changes are triggers to tantrums.
This should not sound new anymore because even adults act immaturely when in the verge of these conditions, what more toddlers whose coping skills are still elementary? So now, I try to monitor that she's fed every 2-3 hours since Lois' capacity for food is very small, and that she gets to rest when she start showing signs of tiredness - slowing down, yawning, scratching. I also try to manage Daddy Paul's dealing with her by summarizing what Lois has been through before he arrived from work so he knows where Lois is coming from. During weekends and out of town affairs, it could get really challenging because our routine changes plus there are more and newer stimulants.

3. Giving options and allowing her time to adjust help prevent the storm from starting.
I try to give her choices that would both lead to my desired ending. She just woke up from a nap, giving her a bottle would ruin her appetite yet she needs to eat lest another tantrum breaks loose, so I ask her which among her favorite snacks she would want. As I enumerate the selection, I see her smile because they are all her favorite food and she gets to choose for herself. Once we're eating, if I see that she's enjoying her high chair moment beyond the allowable time, I lovingly tell her that in a few minutes we'll be doing something else. "After Mommy has finished her corn, we will go downstairs to throw the trash, ok?" Then, I add the things I know she'd appreciate when we shift activities. "Mommy will put on Lois her Barbie slippers, and I'll let you choose which hat to wear." Her eyes are twinkling with excitement already.